Exploring the Connection Between IFS and Attachment Theory
As a trauma therapist, I’m constantly amazed at how much our early relationships shape who we are today. Two powerful frameworks I use in my work—IFS and attachment theory—offer a deeper understanding of this connection. Together, they help us explore how attachment wounds are formed and provide tools for healing.
Before I get more into it, are you searching for a Denver trauma therapist? I’d love to be considered! Schedule a consultation with me today to begin your path to healing.
Now, let’s dive into how IFS and attachment theory work and how they can help you feel more secure and connected in your relationships.
What is Attachment Theory?
Attachment theory explains how our early relationships with caregivers shape how we connect with others as adults. There are four main attachment styles:
Secure: When caregivers are consistent and nurturing, children feel safe and confident in relationships.
Anxious: Inconsistent caregiving can create a fear of abandonment, leading to clinginess or worry in relationships.
Avoidant: Caregivers who are emotionally distant may teach children to suppress their needs, creating a sense of independence that keeps others at arm’s length.
Disorganized: This often develops in chaotic or traumatic environments, leaving children confused about how to seek connection.
These patterns show up in adult relationships in all kinds of ways—like feeling overly dependent, shutting people out, or struggling to trust. (If any of this feels familiar, know that you’re not alone, and it’s not your fault. We all adapt to our environments the best we can.)
Want a deeper dive into attachment theory and adult relationships? Read my recent blog here!
The Basics of IFS Therapy
While attachment theory focuses on our relationships with others, IFS therapy looks inward at our relationship with ourselves. IFS sees the mind as made up of “parts,” which work together like a family system.
Here are the main types of parts:
Exiles: These are the vulnerable parts of us that hold painful memories, often tied to unmet needs or attachment wounds.
Managers: These parts work to keep us in control and avoid triggering painful feelings. They might show up as perfectionism or people-pleasing.
Firefighters: These parts step in when emotions feel overwhelming, using coping mechanisms like overeating, numbing, or anger to distract us.
At the center of this system is the Self—a calm, compassionate part of us that can lead the healing process. The goal of IFS therapy is to connect with your Self and create harmony among your parts.
For more insight into the three core parts of IFS, check out my recent blog, Understanding the Three Core Parts of IFS: Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters here!
How IFS Addresses Attachment Wounds
IFS therapy is incredibly effective for addressing attachment wounds. (Think of it as giving your inner child the love and care they always needed.)
Attachment wounds often live in our exiled parts—those younger versions of ourselves that carry feelings of unworthiness or fear of rejection. Managers and firefighters step in to protect these exiles, often by keeping us from getting too close to others or shutting down our emotions.
In IFS, we approach these parts with curiosity and compassion. For example, if you notice a part of you panicking when someone doesn’t text back, we might explore what that part is feeling and needing. Often, it’s carrying the fears of a younger version of yourself—perhaps a child who felt unsure of their place with a caregiver.
By connecting with the Self, you can offer these parts reassurance and validation, helping them heal. Over time, this process transforms attachment wounds, making it easier to feel secure in your relationships.
Curious about how early experiences shape your adult life? Read my blog to learn more about the lasting effects and how to start healing.
How IFS Helps Heal Attachment Wounds
IFS therapy isn’t just about understanding your patterns—it’s about real healing. Here’s how it works:
Notice Your Parts: IFS encourages you to pay attention to the different parts of yourself. For example, if you hear a voice saying, “Don’t get too close; you’ll get hurt,” that might be a manager part trying to protect you.
Unblend from Parts: When a part is activated—like feeling anxious or avoidant—it can feel overwhelming. IFS helps you step back and recognize that this part is just one piece of you, not the whole story.
Reparent Exiles: IFS creates space to care for your exiled parts, offering them the reassurance and love they didn’t receive in childhood. (This is often the most transformative step.)
Create Balance: As your parts begin to trust your Self, they can relax and step back, allowing you to approach relationships with more calm and confidence.
The Power of Combining IFS and Attachment Theory
By combining IFS and attachment theory, you can heal the wounds that keep you stuck. Attachment theory helps you understand why you respond to relationships the way you do, while IFS gives you a framework to address those patterns at their root. I’ve seen so many clients experience profound shifts through this work, and it’s truly an honor to witness their growth.
Healing attachment wounds is possible. It starts with curiosity, self-compassion, and a willingness to meet yourself where you are. And remember, you don’t have to do it alone—support is always available. I’d love to be the one to help you in your healing journey, if you’re in the Denver area, reach out today!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Gigi Woodall, LMFT
Eating Disorder & Trauma Therapist in Denver
Hi, I’m Gigi—a Denver-based trauma therapist passionate about helping people heal and reconnect with themselves. My work focuses on exploring how early experiences, relationships, and protective parts of the self shape our inner narratives. Through a compassionate and individualized approach, I help clients challenge limiting beliefs and step into a more authentic, intuitive way of living.
My background includes working with organizations like the National Eating Disorders Association, Project HEAL, and the One Love Foundation. I’ve also worked in eating disorder treatment centers and am actively involved with the Eating Disorder Foundation and IAEDP’s Denver chapter. Currently, I’m on the path to becoming a Certified Eating Disorder Specialist (CEDS).
With specialized training in Internal Family Systems (IFS), EMDR, and eating disorder treatment, I provide a safe, supportive space for those navigating recovery, trauma, and self-discovery.
Looking for support on your healing journey? Book a free consultation to see if we’re a good fit.